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Born under the kitchen table amidst a spray of
potato skins and carrot tops, leaf exploded upon
life like an overweight, middle-aged accountant
hitting the sidewalk after falling suicidally from
his fourty-seventh floor window. Almost
immediately upon his birth, the child was declared
by his notoriously East Timorian mother (in her
notoriously cockney accent) to be, "a slimy li'ow
bastard, i'd'n'e?"

By the tender age of five, the leaf was already
wanted by no fewer than three European countries on
the charge of Space Piracy, but the fledgeling
Space Pirate's career was soon cut short on account
of the utter lack of stuff to steal in space.

Less than a year later, leaf was added to the
wanted list of yet another country, this time,
Luxembourg, for the invasion and attempted capture
of Luxembourg. When asked for comment, the war
criminal claimed that the entire affair was an
unfortunate misunderstanding. The entire thing
began while he was ordering lunch at McDonalds in
Troisvierges. He observed that his fries had
probably been under the heat lamps for a great deal
longer than fifteen minutes and kindly requested
some fresh ones. In the process, he insulted the
cook (as well as some lady with a light green
purse) who refused to make any more fries until
leaf removed himself from the premises. Seeing
that the only possible resolution the problem lay
in the manager's authority.

Unfortunately, the manager was not sympathetic to
the East Timorian Pirate's plight, and in the heat
of conversation leaf began gesticulating wildly
with his fork, and before he realized it, he had
conquered the country as far south as Mertert.
Luckily, the national army reached Grevanmacher in
time to stop the assult, and, blushing and
apologising, the great leaferickson retreated to
Belgium.

To Be Continued...